5 hilarious situations for migrants in Mumbai

5 hilarious situations that migrants coming to Bombay face while interacting with the locals:

So you are not a Bombayite huh? Worse, you are a Delhite! God be with you. Migrants coming into this city of dreams called Bombay come with stars in their eyes and grit in their determination to survive this mad lovable city.

1.     “Kidhar se aya?”

The question that scares you! As if that if you are not from Maharashtra then you are an alien. If your mannerisms and your accent is even the slightest bit out of sync with the locals, you become vulnerable to getting singled out. Start taking Bambaiya lessons from your local ‘taporis’.

2.      “Tu akela hai?”

The rental accommodation market is probably the only place where a handsome eligible bachelor is most unwanted. Girls are fortunately spared that situation. A single male spells trouble for the neighbourhood chhokris!

3.      “Chalta hai kya chikane?”

The most horrible "pick-up" line used by trans-genders to rake out some moolah from young ‘nice’ men who look like they have come from out of the city.. Have you experienced it yet! J

4.      “Bhaiya mat bolo!”

Girls beware of the word Bhaiya! It manages to raise the hackles of all the bhaisahabs. Any localite worth his salt will give it back to you, gently or harshly, if you call him bhaiya. So alternatively try dada, mama, kaka and what works best is Sir! Try it.

5.      “Shahrukh khan ka bangla dekha?”

Shahrukh Khan’s bungalow is a local picnic spot and people throng to click pics with the nameplate of his heavenly abode Mannat. And if you haven’t seen his bungalow within 6 months of your arriving here then it is sacrilegious! Try to make a conversation in the train and show that you are a Bollywood fan, this is what you’ll get asked for sure. 

Have you experienced this yet? What has been your funny experience. Readers please take it in the same vein as intended.. i.e. lightly. Post your comments and experiences below. 

Have you tried the morning ferry to Alibag?

A bunch of us colleagues decided to take a ferry to Alibaug one Friday morning to spend the day frolicking on the beach of Varsoli. One friend suggested we take the early morning 6.15 ferry and everyone shut her up. Finally it was decided to meet up at 6.30 to take the 7.00 am ferry to Mandwa Port. 

We met up and bought our tickets. Since there was still time to depart, we engaged in nation's best time-pass - clicking selfies and groupies. 

 

The Taj Mahal Palace Hotel is at its magnificent best at sunrise! It is worth the effort just to go there in the morning and pose in front of the majestic monument. The golden hue cast upon its creamy exterior is like honey poured over butterscotch. There was a couple out there getting the pre-wedding shoot done and they made a pretty picture dressed in their finery.

It was finally 7 and time to leave. We mounted the ferry anticipating a pleasant ride and we were right! There is a certain charm in taking the ferry than going in a speed boat that takes only 15 minutes to get to the other side. The ferry usually takes between 45 minutes to an hour. 

As soon as the ferry took off a bunch of wily sea gulls started following us hoping to get food. Their silent demands were met. The gush of water that the ferry leaves behind is mesmerising and the view that we leave behind is an optic of Bombay that we rarely see. Far off, if you are alert enough, you see the tiny humps of dolphin jumps. You may think it is a mirage but not always! On the way, you'll see a set of ducks 'floating' around making you wonder what they must be doing so far out in the sea.

At the end of an hour, we reached Mandwa Port. It is a well-maintained port from where a 'coach' takes us to the mainland. The coach ride is included in the ferry tickets. The tariff ranges from Rs. 105 to Rs. 165. I recommend the upper deck that gives you a taste of the sun, wind, sky, water, birds and breathtaking view around you. It is an absolute delight for amateur and professional photographers as well.

One sad thing is the bad hygiene practices of the riders as well as the ferry operators. They sell stuff to eat but do not have visible bins to throw the garbage and more often than not it ends up n the waters.Do think of carrying a portable garbage bag with you to leave the least carbon footprint behind.

Varsoli beach

Idiot's guide to survive cashless - Give up 500/1000 notes

So the man has done it! Congratulations to Mr. Modi for a historic step towards corruption-free and safe governance. You have to hand it to him.. He has taken this step in the interest of the nation without worrying about how it'll affect his popularity and completely shunned votebank politics. This, at least, deserves a salute!

The night we received the news that 500 and 1000 rupee notes have been banned, it was like everyone's thinking processes overshot. Some headed to the banks.. of various rivers the others went out shopping for tickets to nowhereland and gold while still others were left befuddled. It made us realise that the circulation of 500 and 1000 rupee notes had become so common that the overnight demonetisation step felt like a bolt of lightening! But these past few days have taught me that it is indeed quite possible to live without the darling denominations! Here is my take:

1. Do not shun digital banking: If you have been avoiding the usage of banking apps and websites, now is the time to get started! At first it does present itself as a task but it eases your life a great deal. Life becomes so much easier when you take finances in your control.. completely! Remember to keep your username and password safe like for any other digital account.

  2. Use digital wallets: PayTM, Mobikwik and Freecharge are some of the popular mobile wallets. Their usage has been increasing day-by-day as they bring in more and more service providers under their umbrella. You cannot escape them. They fill in the gap where organised markets are missing. You will soon be able to pay your several 'walas' - rickshawala, bhajiwala, taxiwala, doodhwala - through digital wallets. With an array of discounts, coupons and cashback offers, they make perfect sense now. 

3. Use your plastic cards: If you have horror of the plastic, take part in your own version of Fear Factor and take the plunge. The convenience that it offers is worth getting over your fear. BUT, you have to use it prudently. Apply for a card with low credit limit. Be careful with your passwords, link it with your bank accounts, do not store any sensitive data on the phone - these are some precautionary measures to be taken.

4. Hoard some Chhutta: I know it is difficult but keep small change handy. It is very useful. Hoard it a bit and it'll be of use to you at the most unexpected moments.

5. Use common sense: With cash in hand, we feel rich and want to spend up everything specially if we are on a hot date! Now impress your girlfriend/ boyfriend by showing how digi-savvy you are. Cut down on unnecessary spending and use your money wisely!